SOMETHING'S GOTTA CHANGE
Here is a pic of me in 2006 right before I started dating Nancy. I would say this was when I was in the best shape of my life.
02/10/2010
The other day, I was looking through some old pictures of myself when I first started dating Nancy my freshman year of college. I was filled with emotions, happy and sad. Mostly happy as we had great memories, but then sad as I noticed how much my appearance has changed. I loved health and fitness. I got a job as a fitness coach at Bally Total Fitness when I came home from my mission. I was between 165-170 lbs, had a 215 lb. bench press, and could run 5 miles a day without breaking a sweat. While that was great, I began to think about all the other things that I did in my life while I was taking care of my body. I felt livelier, I was eager to read my scriptures, willing to give service to people and I just felt good and confident– all the time. Please understand, this had little to do with appearance, and everything to do with the way I felt.
After I got married, I ran into a health condition which required me to take certain medications. These medications made me gain weight and crave sugar and carbohydrates. During my healthy years, I refused to drink sugar soda, eat candy and I also would keep deserts to a minimum. I quickly went from 170 in 2007 after marriage to 205 lbs at the beginning of 2010.
Something has to change.
02/11/2010
I've decided what I want to do to make the change in my life. I am going to go on a restricted diet and keep my calorie intake at or below 500 calories per day and walk/job between 1-2 miles per day. I will also take a supplement to aid with this (which I will talk about later).
02/16/2010
THE START OF MY WEIGHT LOSS JOURNEY
I've been dieting for four days now. I've gone from 202 lbs on Feb 12 to 191 lbs today. I was talking about the diet with my friend and they said they could never do it because it is too restrictive, which I agreed that it is. But while I've been doing this the last couple of days, I've realized a few things about myself that I hadn't ever thought of before. I feel like I am going through a personal session of alcoholics anonymous.
I say this because while I have been doing this diet that is this restrictive I have learned about my inner emotional weaknesses – what makes me gorge and crave, what makes me overeat. I have become aware of why I eat. I eat to cover up fear, boredom, stress, anxiety – and most of the time, I eat as habit. I eat because it is fun – NOT because I am hungry.
To me, what has got me through the last few days of eating so little is finding that inner strength. This has given me direction to channel these inner weaknesses and make a permanent life change. This time, this is all about me. Who is Jonathon Huckvale? Am I a weak person who needs food to cover up my weaknesses? Or can I man up and be strong enough to take control of my life and prove to myself who I really am.
To me, this is not just a diet. This is a life change.
WHY AM I DIETING?
This section is for those of you who have tried to lose weight in the past, but find yourselves unsuccessful at it. Each moment of the day you find yourselves craving food and a desire to eat. Each hour is torture for you and as you look in the mirror, you see little to no change.
Well, that is the key right there. What has got me through these past couple of days has been the mental decision of WHY I am putting myself through this. And believe it or not, it has nothing to do with appearance.
This is my advice for those of you who are trying to lose weight or want to lose weight: Don't do it for appearance reasons.
I want you, right now to think about how you feel after you have overeaten something fattening or unhealthy. While I cannot speak for all of you, I feel guilty, fat, and a little sick and depressed. Not necessarily because I know what I have eaten is bad, but more so because putting those types of things into your body just plain make you sick.
Life is like an equation. I'm not going to lecture you on the biological principles of homeostasis – but it wouldn't hurt if you don't quite understand it to read up on it. Basically, your body is constantly performing a balancing act. If you eat too much salt, your body craves water to balance it out. If you run too fast, your heart beats faster to balance out your activity. Now just think about it – if you stay up all night eating pizza, playing video games and drinking coke how are you going to feel the next morning? What if your eating habits keep that pattern for a few weeks? A few months? A few years? How would you feel?
I think back to my days of activity and now my present state of inactivity. Back in the day I felt full of energy, I was spiritual, happy and had a natural desire for kindness towards other people. Now, I feel anything but that. Just THINK about it. When you are taking care of your body, you feel better about yourself. Maybe your abs don't look like those of people in fitness magazines. Maybe you are the furthest thing from a “beachbody” but you know what? After dieting and incorporating some sort of exercise for just a few days you feel good. You may not look like you want, but you will feel a difference in your mind and in your heart. Crave the feeling, not the appearance. Keep it going for a few weeks, and you feel great. Keep it going for a few months, and you may find yourself to be a different person emotionally and most likely, your appearance has changed for the better – but that's just a plus.
As much as you may be craving that piece of cake, or whatever it is that you crave, just think back to those times that you have eaten it – how do you feel? Is it ever worth it? Usually not. Now ask yourself in times of temptation – do you want that more than you want this? Do you want 2 minutes of instant, false, gratification over a clear mind, peace, and well-being?
This is lasting happiness.
SEIZING CONTROL
02/18/2010
Okay I am at 187 right now and I am feeling pretty good, however it's been rough the past couple of days. I went to a birthday party and boy, was that a mistake. They had homemade mac-n-cheese (one of my favorite dishes from my mission), cake and ice cream, all you can eat freshly grilled steaks, chips, etc. I was proud of myself, I didn't succumb to temptation. But when I got home, I was pale and literally almost in shock. I went to the computer and started looking up youtube videos of food. I went and sat in the kitchen and thought of nothing but food. Not because I was hungry, but because I wanted to taste it and feel the texture in my mouth, and smell the food on my plate. I had to fight the urge to not dig into the fridge and eat.
While I was sitting there thinking about food, I realized it wasn't my body telling me I was hungry, it was simply my weakness. My habit and desire to eat food. As I went to bed that night, I had realized something – today, I seized control. This IS about me. I did it. I was surrounded by food all night and I didn't eat it because this was about me. I am bigger than that. I am better than that. And I want this (peaceful well being) more than I want that (false gratification). I eat now because I am hungry, and I eat what my body needs, not what my weakened soul wants.
And there it is again – I FEEL great. I don't necessarily look how I want, but shoot – this feels really good.
I think I am going to go tell my wife I love her – just because I do.
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